The Eyes that See (A Keep Story)

[freakazoid]

DUN DUN DUN

[Inspirit]

Finally came around to finish up to the current chapter.
I love them Poor Gryphons but i had a bad feeling of letting that one out of his cage.

[Feathers]

Ha ha, thank you guys for reading. :3 Hopefully within the next day or so I should have the next part up; I've got it partially typed up on my laptop, but now that I'm home for summer break, I'm away from my high-speed internet and can't use my laptop anymore. *sigh*

[mystic575]

Hmmm, been a while. But your story is good. And the posts en in places that I just want to know what's going to happen all the time. Meaning, I love your story, frankly. Um.

[Feathers]

Spoiler

Thank you guys for reading, and if you were impatient, sorry for the delay! ^^; Finals ate me for a while...

For a moment, no one in the room seemed to move, to even breathe. The Cardinal Gyphon, as if he didn't believe that Ylana would drop the box around him, closed his eyes, lifted his fingers slowly to where the walls were a moment ago. When he found no iron, his eyes opened again, and he blinked, once, twice, before he sighed deeply. "My thanks," he growled, stepping forward off the space where the box had been. He hissed lowly when he put a little weight on his injured leg, and Ylana stepped forward unconsciously to help him, but he froze and growled, deep, animal, and she stopped.

Ylana focused on remembering to breathe and moved forward again, more slowly this time. The Gryphon watched her with narrowed, careful eyes. "Let me help you get to a bedroom," she told him, holding her empty hands palms up. "We can bandage you up and get you to a bed." He kept watching her, saying nothing, and she huffed frustratedly, crossing her arms. "I gave you my vow already, you skittish thing. If I was going to try to kill you, I wouldn't have let you out of the damned box, would I? And I certainly wouldn't let you anywhere near me. Even wounded, you could snap me in half like a dry piece of tinder, so will you PLEASE calm down?" Though her tone remained even and exasperated, her heart was beating like a running Jackalope as she closed the distance between them and slipped herself under his right arm, wrapping her arm around his back and pulling his other arm over her shoulder. The Gryphon didn't move, though Ylana could feel his ribs detract sharply, like he'd taken a quick breath. Tikus made a quiet squeak of panic from his position.

Again there was total stillness, and then the Gryphon sighed and rumbled, "Very well." Ylana could feel his voice moving through his chest, rattling her breastbone. He exuded heat like a fire this close up, and he was quite tall; Ylana's head barely reached his shoulder. Slowly, she felt the weight he was putting on her increase, though most of his weight was still on his uninjured leg. Still, he was heavy, and as Ylana began to walk again, leading him toward the back room, she felt like she was being pressed flat under his arm. Tikus followed closely behind.

In order to break the silence as they made the short trip to Ylana's guest room, Ylana started talking nervously. "You said your name was, erm, Versisarth?"

"Vesrisath."

"Vesrisath. That's a long name."

"Yes."

"Um. Do you have a nickname?"

"No."

"...Gotcha." The twenty feet to the guest room had never seemed so long. "It's a nice name. I know names are important for creatures. So. Does it, erm, mean anything?"

"It is a title. It means Warrior of Blood."

"I see. How...intimidating."

"That's the point."

"Of course it is." She shot a mildly irritated look up at the Gryphon, who looked around him with interested, wary eyes. "You're just a great intimidating brute, aren't you? Warrior of Blood, indeed. How did you ever get caught?" As she spoke, they entered the guest room, lavishly decorated with rich carpets and rugs and paintings on the walls; the bed was low but long and wide, covered in pillows and soft blankets. This had really been Rien's room, when he was alive, and was meant to be the master bedroom, but Ylana had never had the heart to move here and kept her old, smaller room instead. Since Rien's death, she'd put various pretty things in here that she liked but couldn't bring herself to use or have as more than decoration. Really it had become a storage room for pretty, breakable, useless things with a bed in it. Vesrisath said nothing about the room, and the pair of them hurried as quickly as possible to the bed, where he sat down heavily.

At first, Ylana thought he was going to ignore her question, so she went about digging in drawers for the things she'd need to set his broken wings and heal his leg. She had a few spells that could move the process along faster, but they'd need to be at least bandaged first. When Vesrisath spoke, he spoke slowly, like he was planning each word before he chose it; Ylana looked back at him, but he was staring at his hands blankly. "I was not thinking properly when they found me," he said quietly. Ylana looked at him, at his solemn, straight mouth, and it hit her suddenly that for all his glowering and strength, he couldn't be, in maturation, much older than her. "I made several foolish mistakes. That is how I was caught."

Ylana looked at him for a moment more, but when his head began to turn, she jerked her chin away and finished gathering the bandages and little jars of salves. "I see," she said lamely, turning back to him, her arms full. "Everyone makes mistakes."

He only watched her as she approached, examining the things in her arms. She set them on the bed next to him and sorted through them, finding the first thing she'd use, a potion that helped ward off infections. When she lifted it, though, he moved away, narrowing his eyes at her. Vesrisath opened his mouth, but Ylana rolled her eyes. "Look," she told him, unwrapping a small bandage from her finger, where her new Temple Dog pup had bitten her after she'd purchased her. Carefully, she unstopped the bottle and tipped a little of the potion on the bite on her finger; there was a small sighing of magic, but other than that, nothing happened. "Now, stop being a baby and let me help you."

Vesrisath made a soft chuffing noise, like he was startled, or maybe put-out, but he leaned closer again and, at Ylana's prodding, held his cut-up limbs to her. Ylana set about her work, familiar with healing the wounds of various of her creatures, and tried to forget the fact that she was not bandaging up a michievous Alphyn who'd wounded herself in play. She was healing a Cardinal Gryphon who'd killed many before he'd been wounded enough to be subdued, and he could certainly break her neck faster than she could twitch her finger.

Yeah. If she could just not think about that, she'd be fine.

[freakazoid]

EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES
EVERYBODY HAS THOSE DAYS

[Inspirit]

At least now Vesrisath has a little trust on Ylana

[missawesome7337]

Heyyy.
To begin, I really like the idea. It's unique from the other Keep stories I've seen. I love unique. There's ten points right there.

As for the first chapter, it seemed a bit rushed overall. It was shorter than I would have expected, and the pace was almost frenetic. Maybe go back and slow it down...?

Chapter two: "The Magi who wanted to answer that hanging, ceiling question...." Um, what?
This one was much better paced than the previous. I liked it better, too.

In chapter three, the line "Gresk was a man who life had done its best to toughen like leather" doesn't make very much sense. Maybe "Gresk was a man to whom life had done its best" or "whose life had done its best." Also, you used "where" instead of "were" somewhere.
But I liked the chapter

[Feathers]

Thank you for the helpful remarks, missawesome! I really appreciate it. c:

As far as the first part goes, it's not really a "chapter" so much as a prologue; its purpose is more to give a rough outline of Ylana's and Tikus' early relationship and, with the italicized bit at the beginning, give a short summary of the Magi world in this story. However, if it's not accomplishing that purpose, why, I'll need to edit it when I have the time!

For your phrasing comments, you're right, I'm a bit unclear in those parts; I have a tendency to draw a comparison or sentence or sentiment that makes sense to ME, but that can get a bit "lost in translation," ha ha. Hopefully the small rearrangements of words I've edited in make my intentions a bit clearer.

On a more authorial note, the Magistream Rapture has actually given me a flash of inspiration on where the story is going next; I'll have the next bit up as soon as possible! =]