Dark Pasts | Keep story | ch. 5 up | Crit please

[PossessedFae]

/kicks

I am having serious writers block and I need critique. :< I am very open to suggestions.

[LucifersFallenAngel]

Consort is...quite the unique Pegasus x3. I like him

[Cyrelijean]

This is really good, keep it coming!

[PossessedFae]

Hehe, glad you guys liked it, but I really want/need critique.

Chunk 5

Kaden followed Lucian out of the castle, fuming. He barely noticed Red when the Tevera came up to him and gently nuzzled Kaden. He hated people contradicting him. They always doubted him for some reason, even when he was young. He hated it. Intensely. Sometimes he wished he could just shove their doubting words down their throats, especially when they found out he was right.
Kaden slumped his shoulders. Like always, he overreacted. He was going to have to apologize to Hazel later. Reaching up his hand, Kaden ruffled Red's ears, stifling tears. Nobody doubted him when mother was alive ten years ago. Red nuzzled his master's face, trying to comfort him.
"Hey, you okay?" Lucian said, "Don't you get all teary eyed on me. We need to find Consort before we can go anywhere."
Kaden wiped his eyes and nodded before heading outside. The sun had risen all the way up into the sky, making the landscape a blinding white hell. Lucian muttered crossly at the sun, shielding his eyes.
"Only bad thing about winter is the damned sun." Kaden heard Lucian say under his breath before the older mage stomped off towards a particularly dark bit of forest on the opposite shore. Kaden and Red hurried to follow him.

The forest seemed to be something that one would not want to be in on a dark night, Kaden decided. No light reached the forest floor, and everything was covered with a fine layer of silvery frost. Kaden had to send Red back to the lake because his horns were beginning to crack from the cold, something Kaden was aware was possible.
Shivering violently, Kaden wondered how Lucian didn't seem to be bothered much by the cold. It was like he enjoyed being frozen alive. Or Lucian has no toes, Kaden thought as he curled his up in his boots, wishing they had feeling. Je started as Lucian gave a pained cry and dashed away, calling for Consort. Kaden rushed after him, suddenly worried. Lucian sounded so worried about his friend.
Kaden stumbled to a halt as he came upon Lucian, who was kneeling next to Consort. What shocked him most was that Consort seemed to be covered in what appeared to be a combination of claw marks and cold burns, and his fur was so blood soaked it was red. The pegasus seemed to be sleeping blissfully, as if he wasn't bleeding to death.

Lucian fought back tears as he almost angrily examined Consort's wounds. He knew who they were from. Didn't he tell Consort to leave Tristan* alone? It would take a long time before he would be able to wield some control over his power.
You stupid bastard. Lucian thought. You're going to give us away.
"Lucian, what happened to Consort?" Kaden asked, kneeling beside him.
"Stupid horse probably met a pack of direwolves," Lucian muttered. "Help me wake him up so that we can get him to the castle."
With some difficulty, the two men were able to wake up Consort by dumping snow on his face. The pegasus was rather startled to find relatively warmer snow on his face.
"How rude," The pegasus mumbled as he slowly hobbled towards the castle, the two magi in tow.

A tall man dressed in furs surveyed the valley before him. His dark skin and grace said that he came from the Etain Desert. Dark eyes took in every little detail, from the seemingly impenetrable castle to the grim forest. This was the place his grandparents were born, and this was the place they left out of fear.
The man grinned, revealing perfect, white teeth. Sorcerers would pay a pretty penny to have a fairy for a slave.

*This Tristan has nothing to do with the MS Tristan.

Sorry that it's a shorter than normal chapter, but I don't think it needs to be any bigger.