The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiques?

Share any written short stories, novels, or poetry

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Inkeyu
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Pastry Problems

Post by Inkeyu »

She opened her eyes slowly to a bright blue sky, bobbing up and down towards the few white clouds fluffing by. "Where....where am I?" She breathed, heavily, confused. "I...I thought I was..." She gasped, opening her eyes all the way and attempting to sit up. As she righted herself, she sank into the water, overtaking her head and causing her to panic. She jetted back to the surface and tread water, looking around. There was nothing but clouds and ocean as far as she could see. Her heart beat increased, as did her breathing. She was in the middle of the ocean...an ocean. No clue as to where she was. "The pastry! Or...the tea?...They drugged me and dumped me in the OCEAN?! What the..." She was suddenly furious. How dare they do this to her! Did they violate her before dumping her? They certainly didn't hurt her otherwise, any wounds would hurt significantly in the salt water, and there was no pain, other than the pain of panic in her chest. As she tread, thinking, something cool and smooth brushed against her legs, causing her to shriek. Looking down, she saw a large fish like creature swimming around and about her legs. "No! No shark! P-please!" As if in response, the creature poked its head above the water. "A....a CAT?! What?!"

"Hello! You're a far way from shore leggy." She reeled back from the talking cat fish thing. "I...I'm dreaming...I've got to be!....You.....you're a...cat....fish?..." The black cat face grinned widely at her and spoke again. "Well of course! What else would I be? Anyway, you seem like you could use some help. Am I wrong?" She was taken aback, but she blushing, agreed. "N..no....you're right....I...have no idea where I am..." The cat fish giggled and swam around her a couple times. "Well then, how is your swimming? Because you'll need to follow me." Suddenly, she felt more sure and safe than she had in she couldn't tell how long. She had been in the collegiate national swim championships. "Yes. I swim rather well." The cat fish snickered and started swimming away from her. "Well then, follow me missy. I'll get you to shore. Though what shore, I couldn't say."

TO BE CONTINUED...
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Re: The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost

Post by Inkeyu »

Do....I make a difference?...Do I inspire anyone? Or at least make anyone else's lives better? I...often wonder....who have I touched? And how? Have I ever changed anyone's views, or made them want to do something more than what they had been doing? I don't know....I don't know what I've done that's all that good...maybe it's just because I can't really see anything from the other side, but I don't know... I lost contact with so many people, I can't see how I've affected them... I just...hope that...I've made a difference for at least someone...
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Aves Annon: Iirlys' Story

Post by Inkeyu »

After the toast, he proceeded to introduce me and show me off to the rest of the guests. Once the introductions had concluded, he finally released my arm from his grip. With as subtle movements as I could manage, I walked away into the thrall and found a butler, and asked for a whisky on the rocks. He disappeared and I was left to wander. I wasn't alone, by any means, as nearly every turn I was congratulated or asked to dance. Any dance partner was better than him though, so I accepted a few before the butler returned with my drink. I went to sip it and found beautiful, bright blue stone cubes in the glass with my whisky. It confused me for a moment, but then remembered passing mentions of such things. Shrugging, I downed it, nearly choking on the end. It was good, and very strong. I think I visibly made a bit of a funny face as someone nearby giggled. I looked in the direction of the sound, and was met with a dark look from a man with nearly black brown eyes and gleaming jet black hair.

"I take it you're not used to whisky stones." He took my now empty glass gently from my hand, and deftly placed it on the tray of a passing butler. He was incredibly handsome, but in stark contrast to the pale, blond man that had me abducted. I blushed, wide eyed at him. "Y-you could say that." I replied, unable to remove my eyes from his. He grinned broadly and offered me his hand. "I'm Count De'Valle. But you may call me Deavon." I must have blushed harder, placing my hand in his, because he giggled a little before gently kissing my hand. "May I ask for this dance, beautiful bird?"

TO BE CONTINUED...
Last edited by Inkeyu on December 6th, 2020, 11:02:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Of Ruby and Scale: The Before

Post by Inkeyu »

Of Ruby and Scale: The Before
This is the story of dragons and heroes in the world of Mallina. A tale from the ancient times, before the Great War of Dragons ravaged the land, before the After War Boom, before the dragons were 'eradicated' from the land.

Our story begins as most stories of great heroes do, with one young child destined to change the fates and challenge all of what is believed to be true. In a small village, pillaged by foreign invaders, a single surviver awakes in the surrounding forest, the only one left from the brutal attack.

WARNING! This story may contain the following: Blood/gore/violence, depictions of a graphic nature.


Tarlian awakes to the smell of smoldering wood and bodies soaked by rain, the fires from the night before nearly put out by the downpour that had followed the sacking of his village. A few drops of water fell onto his face from the leaves of the trees that sheltered him from the worst of the deluge overnight and shocked him to full consciousness. He sat up quickly, causing his head to ache and spin painfully. A bit dazed he reached a chilled hand to his head, finding it warm and wet with something sticky, looking at his fingers now covered in the substance he realized it was his own blood. Rubbing it between his fingers for a moment, he looks around at his clothes in search of a piece that was dry and not covered in soot. Finding none, he resolves to dab at the wound on his forehead with his sleeve in hopes of removing some of the blood that had dripped from it. "W-what..." before he could finish his thought, flashes of the night before flooded his mind, causing him another bout of pain. He decided it best not to think on it at the moment, and instead looked around him.

The forest was as it had always been, quiet except for bird song and the soft sound of drizzling rain hitting the canopy of leaves above him. Not far off behind him, the burnt remains of his village sat, burned to the ground. Tears came to his eyes as the thought of being alone hit him full force. Everyone was gone. His parents, siblings, friends, and the first girl he ever loved; everyone. He put his head in his hands and sat, sobbing and shivering in the cool, wet air until he had no more tears left. Sniffling hard, he coughed a few times, the taste of the smoke he'd inhaled touching his tongue again. It came to his attention quickly after that the birds had stopped singing, and another sound met his ears. Horses were approaching the place he sat at a steady trot. Ignoring the throbbing in his head, he skittered into the bushes near him and sat, waiting for the pillagers to pass by him, cold and terrified, he held his breath.

As the horses came into view, the riders they bore on their backs did as well, gleaming silver armor clanking with each hooffall. They weren't the pillagers, they were the king's men, knights and soldiers who had surely been sent to aid his village and stop the onslaught, far too late to do so. Tears welled in his eyes again, angry that they came so late, he knew that even though they could not help anyone in the village, as they were all gone, his own survival depended on their help. He dragged himself from the brambles into their path and knelt waving them down, from up the path. His voice caught in his throat from the smoke and he choked as he tried to call out to them, starting another coughing fit.
Last edited by Inkeyu on December 10th, 2020, 10:37:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Stream of Consciousness

Post by Inkeyu »

Streamo f consiousness forgive the spelling i'm just not going to stop typing until i can't anymore no puncutation no spelling fixes just words and words and words until there are no more words left like the ink in a pen or paint on a brush or water in a glass watching a flower grow or a child become an adult because the words never go away they only change until they become something entirely different like a catterpillar to a butterfly flying off into the sky pulled along by the winds buffeted by storms and finally landing in a tree or in a bush to pass to the next form of existance like the ghosts seen or felt in old homes or in graveyards placated by gifts and regular visits from loved ones and strangers allike until they join the afterlife once moving on from the afterlife where does one go to another life in this world to another life in another world or to another plane of existence entirely or do we stay in a completely different form than when we lived or the same as before we lived like a particle moving through planes of existence
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Re: The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiq

Post by Inkeyu »

Driven, capable individual looking for opportunity to grow professionally as well as personally. In search of work with children, animals, plants, or any combination there of. Prefer something to utilize my creativity, positive attitude, and customer service experience. Multitude of experience with references available upon request. Resume also available upon request. Please contact me with any questions at <insert email here>.

Wip...thoughts?
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Re: The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiq

Post by Inkeyu »

Ever need to clean but not know where to start?
Yeah...right now it's not terribly messy here, but it's messy enough that it's not making things easy.
So, here I am, and there...but not doing much of anything...I have hours, but still...

Also, putting this here to remind me.

world/27
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Re: The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiq

Post by Yumiketi »

Holy cow! I've been your sister for how long, and didn't know this was here?
I mean...I've been away for a...while...but still!
Could I possibly do a guest artist thing?
I've got a couple of stories and poems I'd like to post as well. XD
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Re: The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiq

Post by Inkeyu »

Yumiketi wrote:Holy cow! I've been your sister for how long, and didn't know this was here?
I mean...I've been away for a...while...but still!
Could I possibly do a guest artist thing?
I've got a couple of stories and poems I'd like to post as well. XD
Yeah I think that would be fine. :) message me about it and we'll discuss things.
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The Discovery of the Hellunds

Post by Inkeyu »

Amely stepped quickly between the shelves and the tables, gathering everything that she would need for the ritual. She couldn't believe she had nearly forgotten, and now the day was here. It was only an hour until the summoning ritual for her first familiar. "I'm going to be late, I'm going to be LAAATE!" Grabbing the last of her ingredients, she throws them haphazardly into her bag and then rushed out the door. It was about a 30 minute walk to the witches' academy and preparation for the summoning is usually rather precise and time consuming. She knew she would have to fix up her summoning circle in much shorter of a time than any of the other witches and she was stressing.

She reached the academy sooner than she had expected, and saw that almost everyone else was done with their summoning circles. She quietly found a spot and hastily set up her pentagram. Taking the crushed rose petals, she made the six pointed star in the grass and encircled it. At each of the 6 corners of the star, she placed the lapis lazuli beads on one, a rainbow lolly pop on the second, a spell book on the third, copper chloride on the fourth, a fox skull on the fifth, and a moonstone on the last. In the center, she placed her bowl with incense and sulfur in the center and waited for her turn to speak her summoning words.

TO BE CONTINUED...
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