Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( EDITED )) With egg & pictures!

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Kokuen
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Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( EDITED )) With egg & pictures!

Post by Kokuen »

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You see a pair of little horns breaking though the shell of the soft egg.

The Qilin are mythical creatures most often seen with high magi, priests, and royalty. Legend has it that the first sightings of the Qilins were at the time, with the worst whiteout Arkene has ever witnessed. Qilins appeared as if materializing from the snow to the magi gone astray in the fearsome storm, guiding them all to the same place where their other brethren lay, creating a ring of fire around the group as they waited out the fierce weather together.

Loving the whiteness and purity of the snowy season, most wild Qilin, although few, are found in the mountains in abandoned huts and cabins searching for wandering souls. With an inner fire to keep them warm in the most frozen of climates, they are often a sign of spring coming. Gardens walked upon by the Qilin in winter are said to produce the most beautiful flowers in the spring.

.ooVoo.

You watch as your egg twitches continuously. Then suddenly, the horns from the egg push forward, and a white scaled head emerges triumphantly from the confines of the egg. It tumbles out, and the little one glances around bewilderingly, its golden eyes large. Glancing up at you it lets out an excited squeak, and accidentally rubs its hooves together, creating a rather large spark as it stumbles to get to its feet. In a blink of an eye the hatchling is on fire, and you stumble back in alarm. Otherwise happy to see you, the little one seems fine, but you might be in danger as the small fireball merrily canters in your direction, ready to greet its parent.

Qilin children are very fond, and dependent on their parents. You never find a child without a adult within sight distance. If you are ever lucky enough to spot a child playing in the snow, do not approach it if you have recently broken the ten laws*. Qilin do not see the outer layer of skin and bone, but see people in hazes of light and dark. Anyone with a dark haze is often regarded as an enemy, and no matter what its owner says to discourage and invoke trust in said person, a Qilin will never let his magi near someone it deems evil.

* ten laws; ten commandments.

.ooVoo.

Large and very affectionate, a Qilin will grow almost triple its size from birth, rivaling that of small oxen. Most domestic Qilin will have their horns filed every few weeks or so, since they grow to large proportions. Their colors are muted, polished by a white glow for mystic appeal. Though in The Keep, Qilins have been seen slowly changing their colors to their favorite accommodations. Being a rather peaceful race, they will never feed from another creature. And because of this trait, birds are often found perching on its antlers unafraid of sudden attack.

Each Qilin have a row of hollow holes on the back of their legs, where they secrete a gas like air. Qilin's hooves are 97% flint and 3% platinum. When enraged, the Qilin ejects gas from little holes from the backside of their arms and top of its head. A quick snap of two hooves together, create a spark and instant flame. When in this mood, the Qilin cannot be restrained or controlled. No amount of water will quench the flame either. It is rumored that the liquid fire used by the Byzantines Empire in their naval battles was created from the substance that emits from the Qilin's body.

(( I call a thank you out to Silverbangle. I changed a lot, your critique was amazing. Thanks again. ))
Last edited by Kokuen on September 16th, 2009, 11:45:06 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Kokuen »


Pictures!

Art not drawn by me. Reference sheet.

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Last edited by Kokuen on September 16th, 2009, 11:45:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Kokuen »

Please critique.
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Cakenotlie1 »

My god those are amazing! And please, don't make them donation pets if they get accepted T_T
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by cyberus151 »

Wow, that is such an awesome entry
Hey, I'm an ancient user. Ignore my profile and such, too tired to update, haha.
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Kokuen »

*giggles* Thank you, you two!! He's one of my favorite mythology creatures. <3
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Silverbangle »

It's interesting that Qilin and Kirin are the same creature, effectively, but China and Japan have two totally different takes on them here. I like this more Chinese version myself ^^

Critwise, I think some little bits needs explaining a little more, such as "
Qilin children are very fond, and dependent on their parents. You never see a child without their parent within sight distance. So if you are ever lucky enough to spot a child playing in the snow, do not approach it if you have recently broken the ten laws"
. You haven't previously mentioned the ten laws thing, but here it sounds like something the reader should know.. and I have to say, I don't! And I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't know what the "ten laws" are ^^;

"When in this mood, the Qilin cannot be heeded or controlled. "
Not sure about your use of "heeded" here - it means "noticed" or "paid attention to" xD

"Many philosophers say that the liquid fire that the Byzantines Empire used in their naval battles was from studying the substance that emits from the Qilin's body."
Is the Byzantines Empire a real place or a MagiStream World place? Because it'd be nifty if you could work it into the MS canon somehow =D
I'd also change this a little - remember, in this canon, the Qilin is a real creature, so philosophers have no interest in it! Perhaps "It is rumoured that the liquid fire used by [army] in their naval battles was inspired by [or "created from"?] the substance that emits from the Qilin's body." might be an alternative?

Also, many of the MagiStream descrriptions for the hatchling/adults are set in the present tense, as if you're actually looking at a specimen.. the reader is either noticing it playing in a nearby body of water (Narwhal) or catching a fleeting glimpse of it (Pegasus), etc. It's not necessary at all, many of the newer pets don't follow this structure, but it's something to think about if you're trying to make your writing more interesting.

That said, I think this is great, I love the little egg (:
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Axiluvia »

Ohh... pretty! I want it in multi-colors too, like the hippocampi are. Or four colors, like the four directions! Yellow, Blue, Red, and Black, I think...
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[url=http://magistream.com/creature/3235655][img]http://magistream.com/img/3235655.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3241280][img]http://magistream.com/img/3241280.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3318694][img]http://magistream.com/img/3318694.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3300682][img]http://magistream.com/img/3300682.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3166857][img]http://magistream.com/img/3166857.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3235654][img]http://magistream.com/img/3235654.gif[/img][/url][/spoiler][/center]
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Kokuen
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Kokuen »

Silverbangle wrote:It's interesting that Qilin and Kirin are the same creature, effectively, but China and Japan have two totally different takes on them here. I like this more Chinese version myself ^^

Critwise, I think some little bits needs explaining a little more, such as "
Qilin children are very fond, and dependent on their parents. You never see a child without their parent within sight distance. So if you are ever lucky enough to spot a child playing in the snow, do not approach it if you have recently broken the ten laws"
. You haven't previously mentioned the ten laws thing, but here it sounds like something the reader should know.. and I have to say, I don't! And I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't know what the "ten laws" are ^^;

"When in this mood, the Qilin cannot be heeded or controlled. "
Not sure about your use of "heeded" here - it means "noticed" or "paid attention to" xD

"Many philosophers say that the liquid fire that the Byzantines Empire used in their naval battles was from studying the substance that emits from the Qilin's body."
Is the Byzantines Empire a real place or a MagiStream World place? Because it'd be nifty if you could work it into the MS canon somehow =D
I'd also change this a little - remember, in this canon, the Qilin is a real creature, so philosophers have no interest in it! Perhaps "It is rumoured that the liquid fire used by [army] in their naval battles was inspired by [or "created from"?] the substance that emits from the Qilin's body." might be an alternative?

Also, many of the MagiStream descrriptions for the hatchling/adults are set in the present tense, as if you're actually looking at a specimen.. the reader is either noticing it playing in a nearby body of water (Narwhal) or catching a fleeting glimpse of it (Pegasus), etc. It's not necessary at all, many of the newer pets don't follow this structure, but it's something to think about if you're trying to make your writing more interesting.

That said, I think this is great, I love the little egg (:
Ohh, I cannot tell you how much this has helped me.
Thank you so much! I've changed a lot, but if you re-read over the places you have commented I would adore to hear your view again. Corrected a few things.

I like the Chinese version better too. X3
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Re: Kokuen's Entry, The Qilin. (( with pictues and egg ))

Post by Merkwerkee »

i'm impressed. this is a creature i would definitely buy from the shop or someone else (its impossible for me to donate)

:)
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