The Moonshift Lounge: Muses of a Mind Long Lost - Critiques?

[Inkeyu]

Thank you very much! I am glad you like my silly little corner. ^w^

[Inkeyu]

You know....sometimes I wonder....
I wonder why I feel the need to feel pain. Not physical, mental pain.
And emotional.
I don't know.
I just don't anymore....
I'm trying my best to change...
Nothing I do is ever good enough though....
Not for anyone...
Not my family....
Friends.....
Significant other.....
....not even myself....
And there's nothing I can do..
Because nothing I DO do is ever good enough.....
I'm just done....
I'm done feeling this way....
Done crying.
Done trying.
Done doing.
I will survive.
That's all I need to do right?
Right?
If he wants to leave.....
If things are really that horrible....
If I'm that horrible....
Then why doesn't he go?
Why doesn't he just go?
I don't want him to,
But I won't be selfish.
The worst part.....

I can't tell him.

I feel.....
I feel like I can't tell him anything.....
Not a thing....
Not about how I feel.
Not about what I think.
Not about what I remember.
Because I'm always wrong.
I'm not allowed to be right.
Not even when I'm talking about myself.
What I feel, what I want, who I am, who I was, who I want to be.....
What I can do....
What I can't.....

I can't talk to him.

I wonder if he ever believed a word I said.
Nearly three years.
We've been together,
As a couple,
Living together...
Three years...
That's more time than most people get.
But I can't tell him anything.
I do the best I can...

But my best isn't even good enough.

I can't even tell him about my pain,
In my head.
In my burnt finger.
In my neck.
My muscles.
Or the ache in my heart.
Because I'm always wrong.
Even about these things.

I need help.
But nobody,
Not even him,
believes me.

Sometimes...
I wonder if.......
If anyone ever did...
Believe me....

I feel....
I feel like I've...
Been alone so long....
No.
Like I've always
Been alone.

I don't want to be.
I don't want to feel this way.
But there's nothing I can do...
Nothing I can do to change it.

I've tried.
I've tried very hard.
I've tried everything.
Nothing has helped.
Nothing has changed the feeling
Of being so utterly alone.

I can't change anything.
Except myself.
And I have.
But things only seem to get worse.

Always worse.

Never better.
Always worse.

.....maybe I am that bad.......

Maybe...
Maybe I don't deserve to not feel alone.
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy...
The way I used to be.

Once.

A long time ago.

Far too long ago.


I don't want to lose him....
But I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm going to.
I'm going to lose him.
And there's nothing I can do.

I'm done.
I'm just done.
Though....maybe not done crying....
I want to be.
But...
Not feeling anything is worse.
Much worse.
Like...
A deep dark hole,
Comfortable,
Unchanging,
Unmoving,
Vastly empty.
A listless emptiness.
No ups,
No downs.
Nothing.

I can't go back to that.
No.
I Won't go back to that.

I'm done now.
My rant is over.
Though the feelings,
And the tears remain.

[MissMurderPaws]

. . . *Flings her arms around Inkeyu, pulling her into a bone crushing hug*

[Inkeyu]

. . . *Flings her arms around Inkeyu, pulling her into a bone crushing hug*

Thank you for the hugs. I appreciate it.
I'm feeling a lot better today. I had kinda a bad day the other day. (If it wasn't obvious.)

[MissMurderPaws]

Bad days are the worst v.v

[Inkeyu]

Yes, yes they are.

[IceLapras]

Hey, could I do a ''mike night"? I'm good at writing stories and stuff.. Poems yeah, but I don't think they really rhyme...

[Inkeyu]

Well open mic nights is a one-night chance for random prizes and things, but if you would like, you're more than welcome to guest artist. ^w^ If you're a guest artist you can post a number of things for a period of time, and even get some requests and things if you like.

[Inkeyu]

Things to do to Confuse People

1) Go to a book store or library, pick up a book and read it upside-down out loud.
2) Pick a song you know by heart and play it in your mind while you dance in a public place.
3) Take a news paper and sit in a crowded place. Proceed to pull various funny faces as you flip pages of the newspaper.
4) Go to the grocery store and buy toilet paper, a single carrot, and IcyHot. Tell them you're having a party tonight.
5) Take a steering wheel cover and hold it in front of you as you walk, "steering" it as if you were in a car.
6) Go to a shoe store and find the highest price shoes you can find. Ask a clerk if they have a pair of them for around twenty dollars.
7) Pick a random person out of a crowd to hug. Then ask them where they were indignantly and walk off in a huff.
8) Find a big wall and measure it with a measuring tape. If anyone asks, tell them you're planning your next daring escape.
9) Wear two layers of shirts and pants. Find a crowded place and strip the first layer off. Stuff one of the pieces of the first layer into your pocket or a bag and tie the other around your neck like a cape. Proceed to run through the crowd yelling "I am Anti Litter! Trash cans, to arms!"
10) Go to the grocery store and pick up a whole chicken or turkey. Proceed to ask the store clerk if it comes in your size.
11) Pick your favorite Halloween costume and wear it in the middle of the summer. If anyone asks, ask them indignantly why they're Not wearing a costume.
12) Pick up a few of the sodas in glass bottles. Ask a store clerk if they come in 2 liters.
13) Every time someone says "you", turn and look over your shoulder. If they ask, tell them you thought you were talking to the gremlin on your shoulder whose name is "Eww".
14) Dress like a store clerk from one of your nearby stores. Wait until someone asks you a question and simply say "It is not time for that yet." and walk off.

This is what I've got for now. Enjoy!

[Inkeyu]

I may not speak often
But when I lift my voice
The words I wished to tell them
Come out as not but noise.
Forever was once nothing
But a wisp of dream on winds
Once found love left me glowing
As I feel your heart within.

Oh nightmares of webs of night
I beckon thee this eve
To wrap me in you, void of light
And never let me leave.
The darkness holds me
So I may never scream
But if you know me
I'll see you in my dreams.

Alone we are not happy,
The reason for vanity.
Abstract hope is easy
If there a model be.
So swallow what they give you
And stay a worker drone
Or join me in the deluge
And ne'er leave them alone!

Oh nightmares of webs of night
I beckon thee this eve
To wrap me in you, void of light
And never let me leave.
The darkness holds me
So I may never scream
But if you know me
I'll see you in my dreams.

We have more than most
In that we are an "us"
Something inside us, host
That god we know as trust.
So level with the haters
And prove you can't be broke
Give the joke a lighter
And give only a toke!

Oh nightmares of webs of night
I beckon thee this eve
To wrap me in you, void of light
And never let me leave.
The darkness holds me
So I may never scream
But if you know me
I'll see you in my dreams.

If you know me.
Hear my screams.
Why don't you know me
I'm not what I seem.
I know you know me,
I've seen you in my dreams.