poems- would love some constructive criticism

[FireCalls]

Tribute

Spoiler

An endless cascade of impending doom,
Blotting out any hopeful light,
Turning my world into fitful gloom,
Turning your day into darkest night.

It's not the fear,
but the knowledge.
Its not just a tear,
but bondage.

Spiraling around your legs,
Coiling over your arms,
The whisper that begs,
The murmur of coming harms.

You are trapped,
Life becoming unlaced,
Long living no longer mapped,
Distant death instantlly erased.

A tribute to the gods,
An offering for others,
Tied to planted rods,
Gagged by your brothers.

I wanted to offer some inspiration...

[rainswings]

New unnamed poem up on page four! I'm taking suggestions for names.

[rainswings]

A Friend Lost posted to page four! Check it out.

[rainswings]

For you
Added to page 4

[rainswings]

In This World added to page 4

[rainswings]

It Seems, This Time added to page 4

[rainswings]

You don't Own Me added to page 4
A new post will be made for poems after this

[rainswings]

Here's to more, after a forever of not posting!
Night Monster

Spoiler

It's time I confess
I, like other monsters of the night
Do hiss at the daylight
And long to work like normal folk

Alas, how life works

[morrisoni]

I really think you should keep going. These are good, and I think you can get better. I especially like the one about your dad. Great work.