The Making of a Magi *New* Part VII - A Light in the Dark

[Mokarran]

Reading all the other fantastic Keep stories has put me in the mood to write my own. Questions, comments, and criticisms are all welcome. Thank you for reading.


The Making of a Magi

Part I
New in Town
The old carriage car rattled to a stop in front of the Dancing Enox Inn, drawing little attention from the folk about on the street. A team of six dark minicorns was nothing unusual, nor was the driver of the vehicle anyone unfamiliar. He climbed down from the driver's seat, pulling a heavy wedge of wood out from under the hard bench. Dropping the block on the ground, he kicked it under the front edge of the big metal carriage wheel, just in case something spooked his minicorns. They were even tempered and well-trained, but this close to the Keep and the Stream, there were any number of creatures running about, some with their magi, some out on errands, and a few, he supposed, going about their own affairs.

Walking back along the long carriage, he opened the doors, assisting his passengers out into the thin gray light of early morning. Most looked weary and unkempt, the result of a night spent in a moving carriage, and they stood about, yawning and stretching stiff limbs, as he hurried to take their luggage down off the roof. A few actually offered thanks and handed him a coin or two for his troubles, but most just picked up their cases and trunks and left.

Once everyone was gone, the carriage driver went back to his minicorns, checking their hooves for stones or bruises, checking their harnesses to make sure they weren't too tight or leaving sores, offering them water and feeding each one a carrot while he rubbed down their sweaty hides with an old burlap sack. Once his team was cared for, he went back to the carriage, climbing into the larger front compartment and checking under the padded benches for dropped coins or forgotten luggage. He found nothing but a fresh cigar butt, crushed out into the worn carpet. Nice.

Moving back to the smaller, cheaper compartment, he was surprised to find a young man asleep on the hard wooden bench, propped up in the corner, his arms wrapped around the worn leather knapsack on his lap. Climbing into the cramped compartment, the driver gently shook the young man awake. Dark blue eyes fluttered open, the young man jerking awake and sitting up, his shaggy, shoulder-length black hair falling into his face. He impatiently brushed it aside as he looked up at the driver.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"The end of the line," the driver said. "We've reached the Keep."

"Already?" the young man asked, covering his mouth as he stifled a yawn. "What time is it?"

"About an hour past dawn," the driver said, climbing back out of the compartment. "I don't mean to be rude, but I really need to be going."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the young man said, scrambling off the bench and out through the carriage doorway. The driver closed and secured the door before tipping his hat to the young man.

"Have a good day," he said as he turned and headed back to the front of the carriage.

"Oh, hang on," the young man said, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder as he dug into the pocket of his trousers. "I don't have much, but thanks." He held out two dented gold coins. The driver's gaze moved down the young man's lean frame, noting the missing buttons on his shirt, the ragged hem on each leg of his pants, and the holes in his boots. He probably needed those coins more than the driver did, but he didn't want to offend the young man by snubbing his generosity.

"Thank you, sir," the driver said, taking the coins and slipping them into his pocket. "I appreciate your kindness." He started to turn away, but hesitated. "I've heard you can earn a coin or two for helping the magi raise their creatures, if you're interested."

"I certainly am," the young man said. "I came here to become a magi."

"You're in the right place, then," the driver said. "The Keep is over there--" He pointed to the massive fortress sprawling across the nearby hilltop, a makeshift city of bright tents and covered wagons set up outside its high walls. "And the Stream is just beyond those trees. I wish you luck."

"Thank you," the young man said. "I think I'm going to need it."

Climbing up onto the bench, the driver took up his reins and cracked his whip above the heads of his minicorns, throwing a quick wave over his shoulder as the carriage began to roll. In moments, the young magi-to-be was lost to sight.

[Mokarran]

Here's the next part. Any and all questions, comments, or criticisms are welcome.

Part II
The Koi Pond

Standing in the dust of the carriage, Kyrrian glanced around, trying to decide what to do. He felt bad for lying to the driver, but he was too ashamed to admit that he had come looking for a job. A gardener or a groom or a dishwasher--he didn't care what he had to do if it meant he could see the wonderful and magnificent creatures that lived with the magi. Ever since a magi riding an ice gryphon had stopped at the orphanage mistaking it for an inn, Kyrrian had been fascinated by everything that walked or flew or swam. So far south, he'd had little opportunity to see many creatures, but he had read every book the orphanage had--all six of them--in the hope of learning as much as he could.

A noise above his head drew his attention and he glanced up, his mouth dropping open at he sight of a brilliant scarlet and gold bird soaring through the sky, flames dancing from the tips of its feathers.

"Hey, watch it!" someone shouted and Kyrrian looked back down in time to leap out of the way as a man rode past on a nimble black horse with sleek ebony wings folded against its sides. A woman walked by with a long gray serpent draped about her neck and a shiny blue beetle with glittery gold wings perched on her hat like some fancy gem. A large white wolf raced past, a meaty bone clenched in its jaws, pursued by a pack of brown wolves and one black hound with fire in its eyes and flames licking at its paws.

What an amazing place.

He began walking, with no particular destination in mind, stopping frequently to stare enraptured at some new species of creature that happened by. After a while, he began to notice more and more people carrying jewel-bright eggs in many sizes and shapes, some with horns or wings or fins protruding from their shells. They must be coming from the Stream. Kyrrian had heard tales of this miraculous waterway, carrying innumerable eggs from far-off lands where no magi dared to go. He quickened his pace, but soon slowed again, taking slow, deep breaths as his heart fluttered irregularly in his chest.

It was something he'd been born with, the physicians all said. A hole in his heart that no doctor could fix and no magic could heal. Most days, it didn't bother him, but if he got too excited, if he tried to run or play with the other boys at the orphanage, it reminded him with grim severity that he was not allowed to do those things. Forcing himself to maintain a painfully slow pace, he continued on his way.

He left the wide, packed earth streets of town for a narrower, winding path that led through an airy forest to the bank of a wide, shallow stream. Both sides of the Stream were packed with people, men and women, old and young, most wearing the colored robes of the magi, and all staring intently into the water that Kyrrian could hear but not see. Pacing back and forth behind the wall of people, he searched for an opening, just a little hole to peek through, but those waiting for their turn stood three and four deep in places. With an aggravated sigh, he turned and walked away. Perhaps a different time of day would see the Stream less crowded.

Walking back along the path toward the main road, he met several young magi hurrying along, large carrying bags slung over their shoulders. He nodded politely and moved off the path to let them pass, waiting until were gone before looking down at his feet. He should have been standing on soft, damp earth, but it felt more like stone beneath his boots. Scuffing his heel through the grass and moss, he uncovered what appeared to be a brick, red as blood. He kicked at the ground, unearthing several more, all laid neatly side by side. There had been a walkway here once.

Curious, he headed out into the trees, stopping now and then to scuff the moss aside and make sure he was on the right track. The forest was quiet, the gray light of an overcast morning filtering down through the leafy branches overhead, making it hard to see more than a few dozen feet in any direction. He could hear the Stream chuckling over rocks not too far away, but it was hidden behind tall ferns and flowering bushes, spindly birch, aspen, and vine maple growing close along its banks. He supposed this far downstream, there wouldn't be any eggs anyway, all of them having been snatched up by the quick hands of the waiting magi.

After a while, and just about the time when Kyrrian began to wonder if this old road would ever lead anywhere, the forest opened up and he stepped out into a clearing, at the center of which lay a breathtaking sight. As still as glass and reflecting the clouds like a mirror, lay a quiet little pond, ringed by a pale strip of sandy shore and framed by cattails and hanging willows, the surface dotted with giant, pink-flowering water lilies. It was beautiful.

Hammered down into the sand at the edge of the water was a wooden plaque with something inscribed upon it. Kyrrian walked closer, his brows knitted as he examined the ancient writing, but to no avail. He couldn't read the magical script. It was probably only legible to magi, which of course, he wasn't. With a sigh, he gazed out over the water. He'd have to remember this place if he ever need a quiet spot to think. It was utterly silent--

Fwoosh! Splash! Kyrrian gasped as the surface of the pond erupted, a giant red and white fish leaping from the water to snap at a passing insect. It fell back into the water in a great splash, sending ripples dancing across the surface and tiny waves lapped at the sand at Kyrrian's feet, washing the sand aside to reveal the warm glint of gold.

Hardly believing his good fortune, Kyrrian bent down and picked up the shiny gold coin, drying it on the tail of his shirt before slipping it into his pocket. He glanced around to see if more had been dropped, looking out into the water, and his heart began to flutter again at the sight of the gold coins that carpeted the bottom of the pond. There had to be thousands of them. Pressing one hand to his chest, he glanced around, looking for a stick to rake the coins out of the water with, but his excitement quickly faded. Someone--many people, probably--must have thrown those coins in there for a reason. Perhaps it was good luck. Whatever the case, taking them would be stealing, even through they didn't appear to belong to anyone.

Digging into his pocket, he pulled out the coin he had picked up and tossed it out into the water, then threw in a couple more. He needed all the luck he could get. Hitching his bag up higher onto his shoulder, he turned and began walking back toward the forest.

Splash. The little noise behind him barely caught his attention, but he turned quickly, hoping to catch another glimpse of the magnificent fish. The pond was strangely calm, but there at the edge of the water, nestled in the sand, lay a small object, glistening in the early morning light. Hurrying back down to the water, Kyrrian picked up the little egg, cradling it in his hands.

It was pale pink with glittery sky blue scales; he had never seen anything like it. His heart began to race, and then to dance in his chest, making him light-headed and dizzy. He sank down upon the sand, drawing his knees up to his chest and closing his eyes, breathing deep until it passed. The lightweight egg felt cool and damp in his hand, but also very much alive. He couldn't explain it, but he could feel the energy, the presence, of the creature inside it. It was amazing.

After a few minutes, he stood back up and headed for the forest. Now he had to visit the Keep to find out what this meant. He had thought that only magi could pull eggs from the Stream. True, the pond wasn't the Stream, and the egg had just been laying there for anyone to pick up, and since he had never shown even the slightest hint of any trace of magical aptitude, he was inclined to believe that perhaps anyone could pick up an egg.

He started, drawing a sharp breath as the most thrilling idea came to him. What if he could find eggs and sell them to magi? He could have a tent in the marketplace, his own little shop. He glanced down at the little egg, wondering how much it might sell for. A hundred? Two hundred? He forced himself to slow down before he had another attack. His heart just couldn't handle all this excitement.

[cusith]

This is really good so far, I'm enjoying the narrative voice and the descriptions a lot. Hope to see more soon

[jmjam112233]

This is awesome! Please make some more!

[Sapphire Phoenix]

Ooooo, I'm liking how this is turning out~ The way you use details and descriptions of places (abeit familiar places, since I went "I know that place! He's at the Koi Pond." ;D) makes it enjoyable to read. Literly I could picture each place and action you described, which went great with your nicely-paced flow~ haha, long story short: you got yourself a new fan, and I can't wait to see the next chapter

[Mokarran]

Thanks so much for the comments!


Part III
A Fool and His Egg

As he made his way back to town, he calmly went through his options and decided upon the best course of action. While he would have preferred to keep the egg and try to hatch it, he realized that that was not logical. He wasn't a magi, he had no job, and he had no place to live. A creature would require food, and if his suspicions were correct and this was a fish egg, it would require a large container of water, probably a pond. He supposed when it grew up, he could put it back in the pond where it came from, but that didn't seem fair. No, it would be far better for both of them if he found a nice magi to sell the egg to. That way, the egg would hatch and grow up in a knowledgeable and loving home, and he'd be able to eat.

With the egg tucked against his chest to keep it safe, Kyrrian made his way through town, toward the Keep on the far hill. Clearly, the best place to sell it would be the tent city of shops and merchants hawking their wares at the foot of the Keep walls.

"Psst, hey--kid. Over here."

Kyrrian stopped, glancing around, but he didn't see anyone that looked like they wanted his attention. Hesitantly, he started walking again.

"Hey you--Kid--Over here."

"Where?" he asked, earning himself a disapproving glance from a woman passing by.

"Shh, keep your voice down," the voice said again. "Over here--In the alley." Stepping toward the shadowy space between two tall buildings, Kyrrian was finally able to see the wrinkled old man wrapped in a black cloak, a long, bone pipe clenched between his teeth and a thin line of blue smoke rising from the bowl, carrying the smell of burning leaves and oranges into the air. He peered up at Kyrrian from beneath bushy gray eyebrows, his dark eyes sharp and piercing.

"Is there something I can do for you, sir?" Kyrrian asked. The man reached inside his cloak and drew out a burnished black egg with silky black wings, the feathers whispering softly as the wings gave a flutter.

"A friend of mine returned recently from the great caves in the southern mountains," the man said, "and he brought me this. It's the egg of a winged nightmare, one of the rarest creatures ever discovered. Few have ever heard of it, let alone seen one. I am just an old man; I don't have the strength to hatch and raise such a special creature, but a fine young magi like yourself would find this an excellent companion."

"Thank you, sir," Kyrrian said, "but I am no magi. Perhaps you should ask--"

"No," he said. "I like the look of you. You would train this creature well. I could sell this egg for thousands in the marketplace, but I don't want it to fall into the wrong hands. Those scoundrels in the Dark Brotherhood would love to get their hands on a nightmare egg, but they would turn it into a monster, a creature of war and fear. I can tell you would never do such a thing."

"Thank you, sir, but really," Kyrrian said, "I can't afford to buy such an egg from you. I have only a handful of coins and this one small egg."

"Ah, a koi egg," the man said. "They make such wonderful, quiet companions. I've always wanted one. Oh!" His bushy eyebrows shot up. "What about a trade? One egg for another. I know a koi is only worth fifty...maybe seventy coins, but don't you worry about it. I really want you to have this." He pushed the warm, winged egg into Kyrrian's hand. It was very close to hatching--he could feel the creature moving inside, tapping against the inside of the shell.

"Well...all right," Kyrrian said, handing over his koi egg. The man quickly hid it away inside his cloak.

"You're a good magi, I can tell," the man said as he turned and began shuffling down the long, dark alley. "Have a good day." Kyrrian watched him disappear, seeming to melt into the shadows. Looking down at his new egg, he smiled and nestled it in the crook of his arm where he could keep it warm. This changed everything. A winged creature was better than a fish. It would be more independent, able to forage for its own food, and maybe even take him wherever he wanted to go. He was so glad he decided to throw those coins into the pond. Fortune truly was smiling on him.

[Mokarran]

Part IV
A Bit of Luck

Walking down the street, Kyrrian was nearly trampled by two young women, one with short black hair, the other with long golden braids, both wearing the robes of magi. He jumped back out of the way, letting them pass. Running along behind them, slower and less recklessly, were half a dozen guys and a couple more girls. One of the guys--tall, red-haired, and probably a few years older than Kyrrian--stopped, trying to catch his breath as he gave Kyrrian a big grin.

"Sorry about that," he said. "Jess and Megan are so competitive they'll run right over anyone who gets in their way."

"It's okay," Kyrrian said, glancing away quickly as he found himself staring into the handsome magi's unusual amber eyes. "Where are you all going?"

"Haven't you heard? There's a flood of Lakiran platys going on right now. You've only got one egg; you should come get a platy, too."

"Oh, well--I-I--" Kyrrian stammered.

"C'mon, it won't last forever," the guy said, and he took off running again. With a sigh, Kyrrian watched him go, then started walking back toward the Stream. He'd never be able to keep up with those magi, but he was curious to learn what a platy was, and besides, it wouldn't hurt to make a few friends, especially ones that lived at the Keep.

Hurrying down the path as fast as he dared, he could hear the commotion up ahead, people shouting and cheering, the crowd even larger than before. There was no way he was ever going to see the Stream. He glanced downstream, but he knew what lay in that direction. Upstream, the underbrush was thick and thorny, a tangled wall of shrubby maples and old, twisting briars. Not the most inviting place, but he thought he could see a small opening in the brush. Maybe he'd be able to glimpse the Stream beyond.

Leaving the path, he fought his way through the deep grass and brambles, the mud oozing in through the holes in his boots, the thorns catching at his trousers. He pressed onward, ignoring the minor discomforts, for that small opening he had seen from the path was larger than it had appeared. Shrugging off his knapsack, he dropped it at the edge of the briars and with his nightmare egg cradled securely in the crook of his elbow, he ducked his head and slipped through the gap in the underbrush. Thorns jabbed him through his shirt, snagging his hair, but he pushed through, the excitement building in his chest. He had to have found a game trail, perhaps one used by creatures who ventured down to the Stream to drink.

Perhaps not. A wall of twisted vines and creepers blocked his way. He was so close. He could hear the Stream, smell the water, feel the cool, damp air against his face. It was right there! Frustrated and desperate, he tucked his egg against his body, lowered his shoulder, and threw himself at the barrier.

The brambles gave with surprising ease, sending him stumbling forward, his feet tangling in the briars. With a startled cry, he pitched forward, falling through empty air. He got his first look at the Stream as it rushed up toward him, colorful eggs bobbing along at the surface. The egg in his arms flapped its tiny wings, but it didn't help. Kyrrian hit the water with a great splash, sinking beneath the frigid surface, the rushing water tumbling him end over end, his back scraping along the rocky bottom as he wrapped his arms protectively around his egg.

His heart pounding, he kicked his legs, smacking one shin against a boulder as the Stream suddenly grew shallower, and he cried out in pain, a cloud of silver bubbles rising up in front of his face as water filled his mouth. His heart skipped. A cold wave of panic washed over him. He was going to die.

A hand grabbed the back of his shirt and jerked his head above water. Kyrrian gasped, breathed water, and coughed, black spots dancing at the edge of his vision.

"Nice catch!" he heard someone say and other voices laughed. "That's one way to get an egg," a different voice said, followed by more laughter.

"Can you stand up?" someone asked, speaking much closer to him than the others. He raised a shaking hand and pushed his wet hair out of his eyes, looking up into a familiar face. It was the magi from town, the one with the red hair.

[Mokarran]

Part V
A New Friend

"I-I think so..." Kyrrian said, but it was a struggle to pull his wayward legs beneath him, the smooth, round rocks beneath the rushing water slick. The magi who had saved his life took hold of his arm and steadied him as he stood up. The water came up to just below his waist. He felt his face flush as he glanced around at all the faces staring at him, some of them still laughing. He felt like a fool.

He turned toward the nearest bank and took a wobbly step, his head spinning as his heart fluttered.

"Hey, are you okay?" the red-haired magi asked, reaching out to take his arm again. "You don't look very good."

"I'm fine," Kyrrian lied. "Just swallowed too much water." The young man helped him over to the edge of the Stream, where several other magi were waiting to pull them up the steep, muddy bank. Back on solid ground, Kyrrian sat, leaning back against a tree, and looked down at the gleaming black egg cradled against his chest. Ignoring the pain in his chest, he ran a hand over the smooth shell and wiped water from the soggy little wings, hoping that the sudden plunge into the Stream hadn't hurt the creature inside. For one agonizing moment, the ebony wings just hung limp and dripping, then they shook, spraying him with cold drops of water.

"How did you see that amongst all those platys?" the red-haired magi asked and Kyrrian looked up at the tall young man standing over him.

"I...I didn't," Kyrrian said, lowering his gaze back to the egg. "I had it with me when...when I fell in." He felt his face heat up as he admitted what a clumsy idiot he was.

"Oh, well that makes more sense," the magi said. "When the platys flood the Stream, that's all you can find until they're gone."

"Did you get one?" Kyrrian asked, hoping he hadn't caused his rescuer to miss his chance.

"Oh, sure," the guy said, glancing around. "Where did--Hey, Jess, where's my--" The girl with the long golden braids tossed him a fancy leather satchel, the strap embroidered with silver and gold thread. He caught it and opened the flap, revealing four padded compartments lined in scarlet silk. Two of the compartments were occupied and he reached into one, pulling out a brown egg with a flat bill and a paddle-like tail protruding from it.

"I got two," he said with a grin, carefully placing the egg back in the satchel and slipping the strap over his head so the bag rested at his hip. "I hope they're male and female. I've been wanting to start a new lineage."

"Oh, right," Kyrrian said, having no idea what the magi was talking about. Slowly, he climbed to his feet, his wet clothes clinging to his body and making him shiver. He glanced around. He needed to find his knapsack. He had another shirt in it, but he was wearing his only pair of pants. Still, a dry shirt would be better than nothing.

"I'm Aiden, by the way," the red-haired magi said, holding out his hand.

"Kyrrian," he said, shaking Aiden's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Same here." Aiden drew a breath through his teeth and shivered. "I'm not half as wet as you are and I'm freezing," he said. "What do you say we head back to the Keep and get some dry clothes?"

"Oh, well, I-I...I need to find my bag," Kyrrian said. "You go on ahead."

"Pfft, nonsense," Aiden said and he winked at Kyrrian before turning to the group of magi still standing around the Stream. "Hey, Megan?" The young woman with short black hair turned around. "Would you be a doll and go get Kyrrian's bag for him?"

"Where is it?" she asked. He glanced over at Kyrrian and arched an eyebrow, waiting.

"Oh--It's in the bushes upstream, but I can--"

"You don't mind, do you Megan?" Aiden asked. When she didn't answer right away, he added, "I could always ask Jess if you're busy."

"I'll get it," Megan said, heading back along the path.

"Thanks, sweetie," Aiden said, giving her a big smile, his amber eyes sparkling.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Kyrrian asked, feeling depressed by just the thought, not that he had a chance with the handsome magi anyway.

"My girlfriend?" Aiden repeated and he laughed, loud and long enough that several of the others looked back to see what the joke was. When Aiden finally composed himself, he shook his head. "No, she's not my girlfriend. She's not really my type." He gave Kyrrian another wink. "Now c'mon, we're going to catch pneumonia, and if you've ever had one of those herbal concoctions that Madam Eltania brews, the last thing we want to do is get sick. Am I right?"

"Actually, I--I...Yeah, you're right," Kyrrian said as they began walking. He knew he should tell Aiden that he wasn't a magi, but he didn't want Aiden to look down on him as some orphaned peasant. Besides, if he followed Aiden into the Keep, maybe it would be easier to find a job. After his dip in the Stream, being an egg seller suddenly seemed a bit hazardous. He looked down at the egg in his arms and sighed. He couldn't keep it. "Hey, Aiden?" he said.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Would you like--"

"Hey, guys--Wait up!" They turned as Megan came jogging toward them through the trees, Kyrrian's bag hanging at her side. "This was all I could find." She handed it to Aiden.

"I can't believe this!" he exclaimed and Kyrrian hung his head. "Some bronto-faced son-of-a-kraken stole your things!" Kyrrian glanced up as Aiden opened his knapsack and peeked inside, making a face. "Probably the same vagabond who left this bag. They must have an aversion to hygiene." Kyrrian felt his face turn red, but luckily, no one was looking at him. Megan laughed as she headed back toward the Stream and Aiden closed the bag again, glancing up into the trees. "I hope this thief likes to climb," Aiden said and Kyrrian watched helplessly as the red-haired magi flung his knapsack into the air, one of the straps catching on a broken limb about twenty feet off the ground. "Oh, yeah! Did you see that throw?" He nudged Kyrrian in the ribs with his elbow. Kyrrian swallowed hard.

"Yeah, that was great," he said, forcing a smile. How the hell was he going to get his bag down? He'd never climbed a tree in his life; a hard fall would almost certainly stop his fragile heart.

"Don't worry," Aiden said, throwing an arm about Kyrrian's shoulders, "I got a bag you can borrow. It's still in good shape--practically brand new--I just saw this one on the shop and had to have it. Hey, if you want, you can put your egg in my bag until we get back to the Keep. They can get kind of heavy sometimes."

"No, that's okay," Kyrrian said, rubbing the smooth shell. The tiny wings rustled, silky feathers sliding across his skin. "Hey, Aiden?" he said again as they began to walk.

"Yeah? Oh, yeah--you were going to ask me something." He grinned at Kyrrian. "I don't like long walks or spicy food and I need to be in bed by eleven, but otherwise I'm up for anything."

Kyrrian frowned.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

Aiden glanced at him, an expression somewhere between shock and horror on his face as his skin flushed red.

"Oh, I-I--I thought--" He cleared his throat and glanced away. "I thought you were asking something else. Never mind." Kyrrian tried to think of what question that response could have been an answer to, but it must have been a magi-thing, because he couldn't figure it out.

[PaleoMage]

Kyrrian's in trouble now. Or maybe not. Well, one thing's for sure- Aiden can haz embarrassment. Anyway...

Pale pink with glittery sky blue scales, he had never seen anything like it.

This sentence needs to be re-worded. Right now it's saying that Kyrrian's pale pink with glittery sky blue scales. I believe that this would be grammatically correct:

It was pale pink with glittery sky blue scales; he had never seen anything like it.

But you could also solve the problem by splitting the sentence in two. Also, in the chapter you just posted, it's AN egg seller, not A egg seller. But aside from the things I mentioned before, I'm really liking this story. You're very good at writing.

[Mokarran]

Thanks for the comment, PaleoMage!



Part VI
The Cold, Hard Truth

"So, what was it that you wanted?" Aiden asked after a moment.

"Oh. I was wondering if you wanted this egg," Kyrrian said, holding out the winged nightmare.

"Thanks, but no," Aiden said, much to Kyrrian's surprise. "I have half a dozen of them back at the Keep."

"You do?" Kyrrian said, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Yeah," Aiden said. "You know, if you really don't want it, you might offer it to Jess. She has an army of them."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. You should ask to see it. Last I heard, she had three hundred and eighty of them, but that was few months ago, so I'm sure she's over four hundred now."

"What?" Kyrrian felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. "But- but I thought they were really rare!"

"Who told you that?" Aiden asked with a chuckle. "Dark pegasi aren't the most common eggs in the Stream, but I wouldn't call them rare."

"Dark...so it's not a winged nightmare egg?" His face got hot as Aiden laughed.

"No! What joker told you that? It was Derrik, wasn't it? He can be an ass."

Kyrrian shook his head.

"I don't know who it was. Some old man in a black cloak."

Aiden grew somber, a frown darkening his amber eyes.

"One of the Dark Brotherhood?"

"I don't know," Kyrrian said with a shrug.

"How much did he charge you for that 'winged nightmare' egg?"

"Nothing," Kyrrian said. "We traded. I had found a koi egg and--"

"Oh," Aiden said with a sigh of relief. "That's nothing, then. You can buy a koi egg for less than twenty coins if you know where to ask." They started walking again. "Unless it was a pond koi, of course."

Kyrrian stopped dead.

"Why? Are the pond koi different?"

Aiden gave him a funny look.

"For a magi, you sure don't know much," he said. "Pond koi are way different. Some of them sell for ten thousand coins or more." Kyrrian swallowed hard. "Why? Where'd you get your koi egg from?"

"The pond," Kyrrian whispered.

"What did it look like?" Aiden asked.

"It was pale pink...with light blue scales--"

Aiden groaned and covered his face with one hand.

"That was a dragon koi," he said. "They're the most sought-after of all the koi. What were you thinking? Couldn't you tell it wasn't just a common koi egg?"

"No, I couldn't!" Kyrrian shouted at him. "I'm not a magi. I don't know anything about eggs or creatures. I'm just an idiot orphan from Hensbridge! I never should have left!" Angry at Aiden, but mostly angry at himself, Kyrrian spun on his heel and ran off, his soggy boots making wet, squelching sounds.

"Kyrrian, wait!" Aiden called after him, but Kyrrian didn't stop, not when he reached the main road, not when he couldn't catch his breath, not even when his heart started skipping, beating fast and painfully in his chest. He didn't care. He had no place here. He had no place anywhere. He'd be better off if he just died.