The Squirrel(Stupid title, but read and comment anyway)

This section is for writing that is completely your own, including the world it is set in

Moderator: Tea House Moderators

Is my story ok?

Yes, it is good.
0
No votes
It is ok.
0
No votes
Needs improvement.
0
No votes
AHHH! STOP WRITING!!!
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 0
User avatar
CloudBubblez
Creatures • Trade
Posts: 626
Joined: April 23rd, 2010, 2:20:22 am
Gender: Female
Location: Trying to draw and failing...epically

Re: The Squirrel(Stupid title, but read and comment anyway)

Post by CloudBubblez »

Hmmm. I will think bout it. Let's bounce! :bounce:
Lovely. A new block of text. WON'T BE ON MUCH THIS YEAR SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME. ImageImageImageImageImageImageImage
Codiezz
Spoiler

Code: Select all

[url=http://magistream.com/creature/3041563][img]http://magistream.com/img/3041563.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3016878][img]http://magistream.com/img/3016878.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3033268][img]http://magistream.com/img/3033268.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3016824][img]http://magistream.com/img/3016824.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3068646][img]http://magistream.com/img/3068646.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3035165][img]http://magistream.com/img/3035165.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3015222][img]http://magistream.com/img/3015222.gif[/img][/url]
Top
User avatar
Jezz
Member of The Dark Brotherhood
Creatures • Trade
Posts: 1737
Joined: September 13th, 2010, 7:44:06 pm
Gender: Female

Re: The Squirrel(Stupid title, but read and comment anyway)

Post by Jezz »

AWESOME! You could make it longer or make it into a full story. Either way, you're an AMAZING writer! :wave:
Top
TxCat
MagiStream Donor
Member of The Dark Brotherhood
Creatures • Trade
Posts: 3860
Joined: October 7th, 2010, 2:44:38 pm
Gender: Female
Location: FoxHeart Acres, FL

Re: The Squirrel(Stupid title, but read and comment anyway)

Post by TxCat »

Nice narrative piece. First person is hard to write in, but you've kept it as it should be from only the one person's perspective. I'd like to see the piece expanded, the events stretched out and more centered on the squirrel and why it made such a big difference. It feels kind of rushed. I don't know how old you are, but you did an absolutely beautiful job of capturing a pre-teen's anxiety about needing to move and needing to tie things up.
“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” ― Harlan Ellison

Image
Image

DC: ImageImageImageImageImageImage Nyoka: ImageImageImage Flowergame: ImageImage
Top
User avatar
CloudBubblez
Creatures • Trade
Posts: 626
Joined: April 23rd, 2010, 2:20:22 am
Gender: Female
Location: Trying to draw and failing...epically

Re: The Squirrel(Stupid title, but read and comment anyway)

Post by CloudBubblez »

Thanks, all of you :wave: ! I needed the advice;I think constructive criticism really helps you improve. I do feel it's a bit rushed, and I'm trying to edit it now. If I do succeed, I'll post it up on the 1st page!
Lovely. A new block of text. WON'T BE ON MUCH THIS YEAR SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME. ImageImageImageImageImageImageImage
Codiezz
Spoiler

Code: Select all

[url=http://magistream.com/creature/3041563][img]http://magistream.com/img/3041563.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3016878][img]http://magistream.com/img/3016878.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3033268][img]http://magistream.com/img/3033268.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3016824][img]http://magistream.com/img/3016824.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3068646][img]http://magistream.com/img/3068646.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3035165][img]http://magistream.com/img/3035165.gif[/img][/url][url=http://magistream.com/creature/3015222][img]http://magistream.com/img/3015222.gif[/img][/url]
Top

Return to “The Parlor”