The Phantom and The Student(Keep Story! ^^)

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Kestrad
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Re: The Phantom and The Student(Keep Story! ^^)

Post by Kestrad »

I think you need to work a bit on your character interaction. It sounds a bit forced at times, and that was especially apparent in chapter 2. It seems like you're trying to make Elizabeth have trust issues, but even so the dialogue between her and Samantha seems unrealistic. The plot of that section also seems forced and is hard to follow. Several parts seem to have been hurriedly written and unfinished. For example, I don't understand at all what happened when the two were taking care of their eggs that caused Samantha to storm out angrily.
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FantasmicDragon
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Re: The Phantom and The Student(Keep Story! ^^)

Post by FantasmicDragon »

Can you please elaborate on some of the parts you don't like?

As for the hurried look, I don't want this to fall down into the archives, make another chapter and be accused of gravedigging. I'm sorry ):
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