Random Writing

[KeeroTashimi]

Random Writing # i have no effin idea anymore..

The Yearning

" Right.........," She pondered looking down into her cup at her reflection on the surface of the liquid inside. " I've been impatient, stubborn and .... desperate........ But never could tolerate just ... waiting...... could I?" The familiar ache in her chest crested, a feeling like someone had gripped her heart and was slowly trying to stop it from beating. Tension rising to her throat as the tears welled up in her gray eyes. Navey hair dropped around her face, covering her eyes from view as she bit her lower lip. "What am i doing here?" She whispered to no one," What have i possibly gotten myself into? To be so impatient....... to be so..... needy..... i quite possibly have lost my one and only chance to meet you...... To know that .... you really are there.. out there somewhere....."
Taking complete disregard of the stools just across from her she leaned against the counter top and slid down the lower cupboards. Legs outstretched she brought them up close and hugged them peering into the water in her cup again. "... But how...... can anyone.... really be expected to wait... When the only signs of you even being real are vague dreams that give the sense.... of completeness..... How do i explain that to anyone?!" She cried feeling the burn of tears escaping her valiant efforts to stop them.Her heart tightened, feeling even more like it was about to completely seize up on her. " Is this what happiness is suppose to be like? To have someone you love..... or at least care for... stand by your side...... making you feel on top of the world and yet..... and yet still feel like...... this isn't right?... When there is absolutely nothing wrong with him....yet still wanting more...... " tears flowed before she could calm herself letting the pain inside of herself out, while the tearing between what is right in front of her and what might not even be grew stronger. " How can anyone keep holding on to something that might never happen..... even IF it's everything they ever wanted or even ask for? When i have someone right now who is giving me more than i could ever dream of... and yet.... it's not enough.... What do i want?! What could i possibly want in a person that this....... right here..... and right now...... isn't paradise? How do i explain this to anyone when i can't make sense of it myself?"
(WIP... might come back to this later ><;; )

[KeeroTashimi]

Musically Inspired
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcZIwXABBKA Killswitch Engage ~ Always

It pulls from something deep within. Calling to the very depths of the soul. A charge that courses through every vein as the heart pumps faster. What does this sensation mean? This call that seems to pierce every single fiber of existence. Why does it speak so intricately? So profoundly?
It feels as if someone is trying to reach out. Trying with every part of their own being to reach another. To tell something so strongly attached to their own soul that it cannot help but pierce, so sweetly. It etches, scars and catches the breath until there's nothing left. It's so close yet it slips through fingertips. Lost in one swift movement.
A cry tries to escape as this feeling crests. This feeling of absolute heart rendering realization that the search isn't finished. That search to find the one who calls to the soul so distinctly that it aches with every breath. Aches with every heart beat. With every single moment. Filled with this feeling of being separated from this other lost soul. That the one who will indisputably make everything perfect, and make everything wonderful, is not here. And possibly, never will be.
Despair takes over. Filling everything with dread and possible regret. Is there still time? Can this person even be found? Is this simply some sick joke played by the fates and by the heart? Where such a feeling cannot be conceivably real? Cannot truly exist? Lost only to reach out just as this other soul does? In the hopes that maybe, just maybe, it will reach them?

Will it be enough? This tearing feeling of being lost and forever in search for someone that may not even be. Some impossible dream that still fills the soul with this feeling of completeness. How can this be? Is this feeling even real? Or just some romantic fantasy? Yet still..... This calling reaches out to the one that will complete it.

(WIP)

[KeeroTashimi]

Gone
(Edited)

"I'm too far gone," she smiled wistfully,".... No matter where I go... Or what I do..... It always comes back to this......" Placing her hands on her face she felt exhausted despite the soft laughing that came with it.
"To be so trapped in this state of limbo.... Where I've always been...... Is unbearable....," She continued, leaning on one hand. "... Caught within two opposing forces........ Two worlds that seem to wish me to tear apart.... How can I not be trapped like this?..... To not decide or even to want both....... Is to remain forever within this state... Caught between..... But remaining in one......... Never to -have- both......."
She looked off into the distance.
Seeing nothing and yet everything.
The silence grew while her heart wished seize. Gripped by the idea of bridging that gap between her two worlds alone.
Yet she held her smile.
Practiced.
An old habit she could not break from, no matter how hard she tried. To smile even when she felt as though her heart was breaking. When her internal world crashed around her, and there was no other path she could see.
When she spoke again her voice wavered. The weight on every syllable, showing just how long she held everything in,".... I still don't believe it even when it's right in my face.... I refuse to think it's impossible to have both...... I can possibly think of an outcome but in truth I have no idea what could come of it..... I could be opening things up to the point where the sky will tear open and a god of old will wreak havoc!.... Or it could mean the sad attempt of a deluded individual whose coping mechanism has gone too far....... I know not.... A tear in the very fabric of everything is what I wish to accomplish to bridge this gap between worlds..... Why? Not to help humanity in any manner but for my own selfishness......... I want to -be- there and the more I am told I can't have it the more I wish to tear it all down.... Let -us- deal with the consequences of such an action and -really- see what heaven and hell looks like on this world...... Maybe our petty problems end up becoming so vastly small in comparison and we'll finally smarten the fxxx up!..... Maybe it will only exacerbate things....... Or maybe it'll simply be a ripple that causes the most vast mental strangeness that people are left going 'that was weird' and then nothing...... Talked about ad nauseum for generations to come as the strangest mental "WTH" that no one can identify...... Like so many other strange happenings that have occured.... Who is to say? I have no idea myself..... Other than the fact that it is a heavy decision.... To break the veil... That which separates the mundane... From the insane..... The normal from the paranormal....... Am I even prepared for the consequences?...... Hardly......... And so I hesitate.... The uncertainty is...... Stifling..... But the desire and need to see this done?........ I fear I will have until my dying day... And I will regret not having at least -tried-.. than it failing........ I may have my bought of grief if it did fail... Or nothing happened....... And it would torment me just as the feeling of being torn in two has haunted me for so many years...... But.... I will always have that second world with me......... Because..... I am too far gone......... To let it go now....."
With her monologue done she stood up and looked at the sky above her. Stretching and cracking the limbs that had gone stiff. Quinn, whose connection had always been the strongest, was her only listener. He sighed knowing she was right. And no matter what the outcome, he would never leave her.
"It's the one promise....... I know I can keep......," He said to himself, " I'll always be there for her....... Even if it's not physically.... I will always remain..... By her side.... For I am just as gone as she is....."


(Author's note: this feels like an ending..... Almost like.... The perfect ending to a much larger narrative....... Quinn is a character I often use in my roleplays.... But his attachment to the main, unnamed, character in this.... Ending.... Is outside those roleplays entirely...... As I've said.... A much larger narrative... One I fully intend to work on...... But that is all I'm saying .... I cannot reveal anything more than this.... But I do hope any readers who get to this point enjoy what I have written here...

Second note: I -had- to replace what was here originally..... It was originally a vent piece of a recent break up... And even though I have saved previous cringe moments.... I could not keep that one for my views on the whole thing changed entirely. Definitely one of those things that I really wish to burn away and be rid of ...... So I did this instead... If anyone read that other piece.... I apologize for that horrible moment of weakness and I hope this makes up for it please enjoy )

[KeeroTashimi]

The Lucky Egg
(I plan on fixing this up when I'm not on my phone!!)

Found frozen, the Magi took a hold of the little egg and kept it close. "Poor little one," he sighed holding the dejected thing to his chest," barely had a chance...." He walked back to his chambers greeted by the kistunes and shadow foxes that tried to help with the hatching of other eggs.
One of the arkenian kitsunes came up to his crooked arm and sniffed at the frozen egg. She whined pawing at the magi's arm to relinquish the treasure so she could bring it in the massive fox's den. "It's gone cold I'm afraid," the young man stated somberly. The arkenian kitsunes didn't relent and gently took the egg into her mouth from the magi's arm despite his attempts to get it away from her.
Winning the small struggle she brought the egg to the desk in the young man's chambers and set it beside the candle stick that sat on top. Scratching his head partially ruffling his black hair, he looked on in confusion. The position was good because during the night the candle would illuminate the egg and in the day the window behind the desk would shine. But why do this for this particular little frozen egg?

When the kitsune jumped off the desk once happy with the position the frozen egg illuminated. There was a strange set of numbers shinning through showing two particularly lucky repeating nimbers. 1111, and 2222.

The Magi smiled at this looking at it as something for him to refer to when his search for the next new creature. "A message for me huh?" The Magi grinned looking at the arkenian kitsunes who gave her master a happy yip. She then disappeared into the denvwith her companions to help with the other eggs.

[KeeroTashimi]

The navey haired young lady had lost count of the many drinks she had. When she looked down there was a small creature around her glass, chirping at her. A young hatchling crystalwing seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Keero gave a happily surprised noise.
"IIt''sh like looking for de Fairie when onn Abshindd..... ...hic... Onlyy.........." She paused wobbling a little," ...hic... Onlyy...... It'shh tiny cryshtalwingsh dat appeaar and dey're real!!!"
The tenabre fox on her shoulder gave a disapproving noise and tugged at the sleeve of the cloak. The young girl didn't notice and ordered yet another drink.
Soon after she had downed that one, her roommate Erasis had stopped beside her." You have had enough....," He muttered helping her out of her seat while the demon head spun.
"But....... but loooook....," she whispered excitedly," more...... cryshtalwingsh..... I.... I needsh them all......"
Erasis sighed shaking his head as he carefully directed the staggeringly drunk Keero. " You nearly blew our own cover you know...," he cautioned giving a wave to Remy and making sure that the hood of her cloak covered her navey hair. " The last thing you need is people thinking you're something else..... now come on... Get to bed.... I'll get you some of that strange brew to help you sober up...... "
"But...... de cryshtalwingsh..... i needsh to sheee if i can gettt moore....." she complained while the two disappeared towards the Keep. The little hatchling crystalwings being herded by the tenabre, Talon, to follow behind the two magis.

[KeeroTashimi]

Oooof this is collecting dust..... And in dire need of an overhaul..... Debating on how.... Might get rid of some things entirely.... Edit others..... Go over things with a fine toothed comb..... Something....... I do plan on reviving this thread somehow..... For now: welcome to new readers and welcome back to any returning readers! I hope everyone is enjoying... Well even just -some- of my random writings ^^